Blowhard

Brisbane's Blowhard formed in a practice room in July 1989,  from the ashes of Bad Ronald and New Improved Testament and played their first show the following early september '89.  Blowhard shifted from their early rawkus punkrocknroll to skapunk to jazzy hardcore in the late 90' to early 00's.All laden with antipodean humour and whit.


Liner notes from the Turkeyneck records Best of "5 minute ride though Hell" By Brett Nolan
Rollo yelled" f@#$" as the headlights from the coaster suddenly failed. We were basically rolling down a dark section of the freeway at 100km an hour with no lights. "Are we going to die in a fiery bush crash?", I thought to myself as the bus came to a gentle stop in the middle of the road. Somehow, miraculously, we'd survived again.
It would be easy to put Blowhard's survival for over 20 years down to dumb luck, but it's less luck and really just dumb. We're a bunch of musicians who refuse to quit, and with Rollo as our centre-piece, we've always had someone to rally around, laugh at, yell at, and basically blame for all our problems…
But without Rollo, there wouldn't be a Blowhard. Sure, we've all seen Rollo naked more times than his wife probably has, and endured the crazy logic that only Rollo understands, but we've also had the unique privilege of being part of a band that has stayed together through events that would easily destroy lesser groups. We made very little money, but we got to experience things that most people can't pay to do, and we generally had a good time doing it…

Like the time we decided to have a barbeque in a park somewhere in Northern NSW and had too much meat left over. There was one solution… MEAT FIGHT. The vegetarians (Wayne and Rollo) and vegan (Ben Jones) of the band were included of course. There's nothing funnier than a vegetarian pulling mince out of their hair on a hot summer's day.
Or the time our friend John broke his ankle in the snow. We pelted him with snowballs as the ski patrol were dragging him away to hospital. Several days earlier Rollo had an 18 year old beauty pouring green slime all over him (nude) at The Prince Of Wales Hotel (St Kilda) in a bizarre piece of performance art.
Ever wanted to really gross out someone? Stick your finger up your bum and then approach a close friend while saying "I gave up ciggies a week ago and can still smell nicotine on my fingers…". Pure Rollo.
Once, in Mackay, I crept down the hallway of our hotel, ready to bust in on Rollo getting changed. As I came through the door I failed to notice that the big naked fat man in bed was not Rollo but a rather shocked, and somewhat angry local. That was a very disturbing day!

On a layover in Ulladulla one of the boys hooked-up with a girl who we affectionately called "the ape". And no, she didn't have a good personality either. That happened between cross-country ATV Skateboard races, and managing to pack a scrum and push our Tour Promoter (Andy Mackenzie) through a bay window of our cabins. We thanked Andy for covering that expense by drawing a penis on his forehead with a Nikko pen (indelible of course!) while he was passed out.

Ever had a conversation with someone for half an hour (drunk of course) only to realise that they are asleep with their eyes open? Ever gone to the toilet while leaning out the door of a bus doing 100km? Or seen someone fall asleep on top of an amp or behind a drum kit? Or watched a bunch of hardcore punks dance around a "squat" called The Punk Rock Palace at 5 in the morning to the music of "Hot Chocolate"?

Have you ever had pubic hair dropped on you while you were asleep? Greg "Phlegm Henchman" has! Have you been chased down a hallway by a big hairy bum, only to jump out of the way at the last second and watch that bum take out a set of shelves full of knick-knacks. Has someone sung you a song called "Don't Go Shopping When You're Naked" for you only to run into another guy years later on the other side of Australia who sings exactly the same song? And have you ever woken up to realise that the band had been playing "stiffy-ball" with your morning "tent-pole".

The girls from Blowhard are also a force to be reckoned with. Nicola didn't even need to speak the same language, she communicated using the "international language of love". Just ask the roadie from Yawp, if you can speak Dutch. Once, we were having a bit of fun with Frenzal Rhomb and I claimed that "the girls from our band "could beat you up!", which I followed by pushing Roanne into their drummer, who nearly cried. And if you've ever been picked up (literally!) by a female sound engineer called Pia, then you've tussled with a Blowgirl.

Our crew were always up for a few laughs too. Like when Jim stole a huge floormat from KFC (with a picture of The Colonel) because he didn't get a toy with his kid's meal. Doblo used to enjoy a beer and cigarette within 10 seconds of waking up. Marty worked so hard he fell asleep in Nicola's lap. Pitt was funny because he was just Pitt. And Jackie married "The Maggot"… (and lived happily ever after).

Boat Cruises are a particular highlight of my times with Blowhard. Alcohol, a moving boat, and 250 punkers can be a colourful combination. When the toilets (including the hand basin) are all overflowing with urine and vomit you have to think creatively…. And when the boat runs aground on a sand bar in the middle of the night, the words "cooperation" and "drunk" take on new meanings. Having a drink made for you called "a Blowhard" which consists of 100% alcohol also has meaning.

For me, it was a combination of the good times and great shows that have kept me coming back for so long. It's easy to think from all the humorous stories that we just plodded along with no plan, but the truth is that a lot of hard work went into keeping Blowhard running. Countless rehearsals, endless bus breakdowns, charity shows, printing t-shirts, designing posters and flyers, more bus breakdowns, busking for food money on the road, drinking, organising gigs, sobriety, heavier drinking, the bus breaking down again…. It all was part of the Blowhard experience.

These days, I look back on the highlights like Big Day Out, Livid Festival, Amitystock, and touring and they seem like such a tiny part of what our lives have been about. It seems like every musician I talk to says "we played with Blowhard at such and such…" It's been a really liberating experience to play in such a prolific band, where anything goes, and egos are looked upon with suspicion and mocking disbelief. I've never been given so much grief yet at the same time felt such a powerful sense of belonging, mixed with a healthy dose of fun.

21 years later and Blowhard are still a big family. There are too many people to thank, but thanks! For everyone we've been able to help out, you're welcome! You all know who you are and should feel simultaneously proud and ashamed for your part in such a happy debacle.
As a final message to all Blowhard people, don't use my toothbrush…. EVER!
Brett Nolan - January, 2010